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Warrington Bank Quary station in Warrington, in northwestern England, has a problem. You see, there’s entirely too much kissing going on when people drop off their loved ones. This causes traffic to back up at Warrington’s small parking lot.
What to do, what to do?
Virgin Rail (how appropriate for this story) which operates out of Warrington station has a plan . . . and a sign. And you’re looking at it.
“We have not banned kissing in the station,” insisted a Virgin Railspokesman.
“But we have put the sign up at the drop off point because it is not a very big area and it often gets busy with lots of traffic.”
“The sign is a light-hearted way of getting people to move on quickly.”
“If people wish to spend a little more time with their loved ones before they leave, then they should park in the short-stay car park nearby.”
The way I see it is that the sign bans men wearing hats from kissing grown-up versions of Lisa Simpson. It also appears that same-sex kissing is completely permitted.
OK guys. Pay very close attention. This is nothing short of a Christmas gift for most of us.
A new study conducted at Heriot Watt University’s Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory in Edinburgh suggests that watching romantic movies may in fact negatively affect your love life. → source
Scientists concluded that romantic movies give unrealistic and unhealthy expectations about real-life relationships. Odds of finding a soul-mate are not that great. One of the researchers, Dr Holmes, said: ‘There’s a notion of destiny and couples in romantic comedies immediately understand each other. If you think that’s how things are, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.’
Interestingly, my wife and I had a long chat many yeas ago about watching romantic movies. She is keenly aware of the possibility of projectile vomiting as well as uncontrollable eye-rolling movements by me if the story gets too sappy. Let’s just say we understand each other on this issue. We hardly go to the movies anymore. They’re too expensive and a 20 month-old baby makes movie going tough. Instead, we watch DVDs at home. And if romantic stories are involved in any way, I always have a genuine airplane barf bag as well as my fully-charged laptop ready and accessible.
So, guys! If you’re desperate to get out of watching too many romantic comedies (and I know who you are), feel free to use the following open letter to make your point to your significant other.
My Dearest <name>,
We’ve been together longer than I care to recall without a stiff drink <fill in a number> glorious <months / years>. You have been the biggest constant pain a human being should be allowed to experience joy in my life. Your romantic approach to life has been nothing short of a welcome miracle for me. <loud, uncontrollable laughter> My heart is filled with nothing but clogged arteries due to your cooking love and joy for you and our relationship. And that is precisely why I feel compelled to bring up the following topic as a point of conversation. What the hell else am I going to do? You won’t let me watch TV when we’re eating dinner.
A new study suggests that watching too many any romantic movies/comedies may result in uncontrolled projectile vomiting unexpected and unhealthy expectations that could adversely affect our relationship.
At the heart of the matter is the exaggerated expectations of life that such movies portray which you expect to achieve in our relationship. For God’s sake, don’t you know that everday life is just not really that exciting and sparks don’t fly 24/7 without interruption? I’m sure you agree that our daily life together is always exciting and our love gains more strength and momentum with each passing day. No romantic movie can possibly compete with the romance and the ever-present spark that is present in our relationship. I hope this B.S. sticks because I’m laying it on pretty thick.
No movie can live up to our standard of romance. huh! Therefore, I propose to you that watching any romantic comedy is a complete waste of our splendidly fabulous time together.
Just in case you are unaware of this possibility, here’s a news flash. Sex and guns don’t mix!
Imagine that you’re an Ohio man. You’re having sex with your estranged wife, who happens to have a restraining order against you. Hey, we’re talking sex here. Civil protection orders don’t apply to consensual sex, do they? In any event, you spot her gun in bed. You think to yourself: self! This gun in bed represents somewhat of a dangerous situation. I think I’ll move it to the nightstand or put it on the floor or . . . And the gun goes off shooting her in the chest. Bummer man.
If those two did this much banging when they were married, their kids wouldn’t look like the mailman, and they would not be estranged.
What’s the first thing you must do after this tragic but intriguing accident? Call 911, of course.
Is it just me or does this dude look like Joe the plumber?
A global survey conducted by Nokia has revealed that most old mobile phones are left in drawers.
I would now like to declare a big DUH! I don’t know how much Nokia paid for this survey, but I would have taken only 1% of the money they coughed up, and had given them EXACTLY the same answer.
Only 3% of the 6,500 people interviewed for the survey said that they recycled their mobile phones (and my guess is that about half of them are lying). The good news is that only 4 percent of old phones end up in landfills. The survey further found that some people also give old phones to friends and family.
Speaking of drawers . . . If you’re a man, check out your wife’s underwear drawer. I guarantee you will find underwear in there that you’ve never, ever seen on your wife before. The second shocking discovery by you men will be that most of what you haven’t seen your wife wear is actually colorful, sexy, exotic, and very expensive. Can you say Victoria’s Secret?
I will now pause until you men come to your final and inevitable realization, especially if your wife’s name is Victoria. If those sexy lingerie are not for you, then . . .
Don’t let your wife convince you that the lingerie are for her, and that wearing them helps her feel good and sexy about herself. Trust me, that’s only partially true – the part about feeling good and sexy . . . in your absence.
Don’t worry men. It’s not all bad news. I guarantee you have in fact seen your wife wear every pair of socks that she owns. See! Everything she wears is for you and your pleasure – especially those old socks. You can go back to watching TV now!
Being married to a blonde woman, I’m addicted to blonde jokes. I never pass up an opportunity to recite a good blonde joke to my wife. I’m full of them. I’m hoping to scatter a few of them in my posts during the next few months.
I heard this one the other day from a complete stranger. I’m sure it’s not new, but I don’t remember hearing it before. It goes something like this.
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up; the door opens.
The first blonde sticks her head inside the door and asks the driver: will this bus take me to Main Street?
The bus driver says: I’m sorry mam. It does not.
The second blonde sticks her head inside the door, giggles, and asks: will it take ME?
A new study has revealed that women prefer less-attractive men as long-term mates because those men make better fathers and husbands.
So, in honor of this new study, here’s a fictitious conversation between me and my wife that I hope will become a reality someday:
My wife: Are you going to take a shower? Me: No! My wife: You smell bad. Me: So? My wife: Well, it’s embarrassing. Me: Yeah, yeah! My Wife: Is that what you’re wearing? Me: Absolutely! My Wife: That shirt doesn’t go with those pants? Me: So? My Wife: Don’t you want to look good? Me: Don’t care. My Wife: I don’t want to go out with you dressed like that. Me: Do you promise? My wife: You really need a shave and a haircut. Me: Who says? My wife: Are you listening to me? Me: (silence) My wife: Hello? Me: (silence) My wife: Baby has a dirty diaper. Would you mind changing her? Me: Of course not. I’ll do it right away. My wife: I love you. You’re the best. Me: I know!
Posted by jmjorat 
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Logical Complex Infinitive 