Guys, This Is Your Ticket To Getting Out Of Watching Romantic Movies

OK guys. Pay very close attention. This is nothing short of a Christmas gift for most of us.

A new study conducted at Heriot Watt University’s Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory in Edinburgh suggests that watching romantic movies may in fact negatively affect your love life. → source

Scientists concluded that romantic movies give unrealistic and unhealthy expectations about real-life relationships. Odds of finding a soul-mate are not that great. One of the researchers, Dr Holmes, said: ‘There’s a notion of destiny and couples in romantic comedies immediately understand each other. If you think that’s how things are, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.’

Interestingly, my wife and I had a long chat many yeas ago about watching romantic movies. She is keenly aware of the possibility of projectile vomiting as well as uncontrollable eye-rolling movements by me if the story gets too sappy. Let’s just say we understand each other on this issue. We hardly go to the movies anymore. They’re too expensive and a 20 month-old baby makes movie going tough. Instead, we watch DVDs at home. And if romantic stories are involved in any way, I always have a genuine airplane barf bag as well as my fully-charged laptop ready and accessible.

So, guys! If you’re desperate to get out of watching too many romantic comedies (and I know who you are), feel free to use the following open letter to make your point to your significant other.

My Dearest <name>,

We’ve been together longer than I care to recall without a stiff drink <fill in a number> glorious <months / years>. You have been the biggest constant pain a human being should be allowed to experience joy in my life. Your romantic approach to life has been nothing short of a welcome miracle for me. <loud, uncontrollable laughter> My heart is filled with nothing but clogged arteries due to your cooking love and joy for you and our relationship. And that is precisely why I feel compelled to bring up the following topic as a point of conversation. What the hell else am I going to do? You won’t let me watch TV when we’re eating dinner.

A new study suggests that watching too many any romantic movies/comedies may result in uncontrolled projectile vomiting unexpected and unhealthy expectations that could adversely affect our relationship.

At the heart of the matter is the exaggerated expectations of life that such movies portray which you expect to achieve in our relationship. For God’s sake, don’t you know that everday life is just not really that exciting and sparks don’t fly 24/7 without interruption? I’m sure you agree that our daily life together is always exciting and our love gains more strength and momentum with each passing day. No romantic movie can possibly compete with the romance and the ever-present spark that is present in our relationship. I hope this B.S. sticks because I’m laying it on pretty thick.

No movie can live up to our standard of romance. huh! Therefore, I propose to you that watching any romantic comedy is a complete waste of our splendidly fabulous time together.

Remember, love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.

Love, <your name>