Naked Cyclist in Portland? Um, Thanks But No Thanks

Jennifer Moss loves the earth – perhaps a little too much. She rides her bike naked (OK, almost naked in a G-string) around the Portland area. Everywhere she rides, 9-1-1 calls from shocked citizens follow.

Watch a short video. There’s no nudity.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/26836196#26836196

This is precisely why too much green living makes you nuttier than a one pound jar of Jiff Peanut Butter. In an interview she said:

“Peace begins with ourselves – our minds, spirit, heart and souls, and that our bodies are an integral part of ourselves. And I was created in God’s creation, and no part of me is obscene.”

Well, allow me to cast a descending voice. She’s ugly. She may have a nicer body than the average woman in the US, but I really don’t care to see it without clothes. Those 5 greasy White Castle sliders I just ate are about to commence a reversal of their intake path. It won’t be a pretty site. And I feel as though she would owe me a pain and suffering fee if I saw her naked.

Remember Seinfeld’s naked episode? There’s good naked and bad naked. Moss personifies bad naked.

Here’s another source with video:
http://www.groundreport.com/Arts_and_Culture/Gennifer-Moss-Earth-Friend-Gen-Naked-Portland-Cycl

Naked Sushi? Um, No Thanks, But Can I Have Fries With That?

Nyotaimori.

No, I don’t speak Japanese. But roughly translated, it means “adorned body of a woman”. I have also read a comment on a boingboing article that explains the translation as:
nyo (女) – woman
tai (体) – body
mori (盛り) – helping, plateful, serving, etc.

At first blush, it seems logical that for those of us who love sushi, combining the culinary experience of eating it with the risqué pleasure of some eye candy is a fabulous idea. Proponents of Nyotaimori tout the practice as artful food. Plenty of places offer it in Japan and especially in Tokyo. Here’s a Google Map of some Naked Sushi places in Tokyo in case you decide to stay an extra day after your business trip (wink, wink). I’ve already done the hard part for you; just click it.

Art or not, I think I’ll pass on this. But here are some more tidbits.

To find models for Naked Sushi, ads are placed in various media asking for attractive young folks who are willing to lie naked and still for several hours. The models are required to take a shower prior to the event, and are then soaked with cold water to reduce their skin temperature. Sushi is placed on bamboo leaves which are usually glued onto the body. You must use chop sticks to pick up food; hands and finger are not permitted. One disadvantage of this type of dining is that body temperature will inevitably increase the temperature of sushi as well.

As you might suspect, many – including in the US – have detested this practice as dehumanizing and demeaning. It is banned in China.

There seems to be very few places in the US offering this type of elitist soft-porn (err . . . I meant food). Most of them are located exactly where you’d think they would be in New York, San Francisco, Seattle, etc. But there are new places cropping up in the Midwest including Minneapolis.

If you decide to try it, you should be fully aware that the naked part of Naked Sushi could also include male models under all that raw fish. Keep in mind that nothing in the Sushi world resembles a hot dog or, worse, a sausage. So stay away from those. Also, do not let them talk you into super-sizing your meal. That’s generally a bad idea with a male model canvas. It’s a trick.

Flossing is optional and, no, you cannot have fries with that. Dessert will cost you extra – if you know what I mean.